Whether you’re in your chair at work or chopping veggies at the kitchen counter, sitting in your car or on the bus, or lying in bed just before falling asleep, here’s a question that can make a difference between remaining tense or relaxing:
Are you allowing the ground hold you, or are you holding back?
The ground is there for us. We get to take it for granted! But when we are feeling tense or tight or stressed in some way, it’s likely we are holding back from letting ourselves be supported.
Rather than trying to make yourself relax or getting down on yourself for having a hard time relaxing, bring your noticing to the support of the ground under you. There it is. (Good to notice!) And then, ask yourself gently, in a wondering kind of way:
Am I letting the ground hold me, or am I holding back?
Think of the difference between carrying a sleeping toddler and carrying a tantruming toddler. One is allowing you to carry them (even if they don’t know it! and one is not. As you probably figured: sleeping toddler = ease; tantruming toddler = pain in the butt! tension.
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Right here, right now do you feel ease or tension? Are you letting the ground hold you, or are you holding back?
Maybe your tension isn’t so much like a tantruming toddler. Maybe it’s more like you’re trying to help the ground carry you. (As if!) But tension or no tension, the ground holds you, no questions asked. It doesn’t ask for your trust but it’s good to notice if, in essence, you are holding yourself as if you didn’t trust it. Can you let it do what it’s already doing so well?
Maybe you notice that mostly you feel relaxed. Great! Oh wait, except for something that feels like a knot in your shoulder and a kind of buzzy busy-ness going down your arm even though you’re doing exactly nothing right now.
Good to notice.
Let the sense of tension, discomfort or tightness be your cue to pause and to ask yourself… You guessed it:
Am I letting the ground hold me, or am I holding back?
And then, again, bring your noticing to the support of the ground under you, whether that be the floor, the bed you are lying in, or the chair you’re sitting on. Notice just how supported you are. (Thanks, ground!)
Are you letting it hold you or are you holding back?
On your next exhale –which just so happens to be one of a number of ways in which your body is already regularly and automatically releasing what is not needed– notice your body’s contact with the support and see if there is any softening that’s ready to happen. Can you let it?
You’re not making it happen. (That would be forcing). You’re simply showing up, noticing, and getting out of the way of its happening if and when it is ready.
Noticing (some people call it awareness): what a simple way of getting out of our own way and allowing what is next and best to happen.
I call that effortless change. Because relaxing should never be forced.
In summary, when you notice yourself tight/tense/stressed/uncomfortable:
- Wonder, gently ask yourself: Am I allowing the ground (or chair, bed, etc.) to hold me, or am I holding back?
- Notice the support under you, especially under/behind the place(s) where you sense a holding back.
- On your next exhale, see if there is any softening (letting go, relaxing) available to you just for having shown up and noticed.
Go gently, go kindly, go curiously.
I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you!
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