On the occasion of it being the beautiful-est of all days, Today, and this being the grandest of all hours, Now, we are gathered in this holiest and magical-est of all places, Here, to witness the most marvelous of all people, You, receiving the magnificent-est of all honorary degrees, an Le.G. (in Letting Go!), summa cum laude, no less!, from this here oldest and most revered institution of highest learning, Life!
[Crowd goes crazy cheering, blowing trumpets, throwing hats.]
Here to present you with your degree, I am delighted to introduce you to your most faithful companion, in good times and in bad, in wealth and in not-so-wealth, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, your Body.